Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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