ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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