READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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