wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
