i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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