how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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