u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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