My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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