Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
