he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why are your pants in the freezer?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
