I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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