last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
