you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
