he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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