they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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