The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
