my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
