margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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