Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
