he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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