Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
