I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
