you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
