woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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