I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
