you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
