I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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