theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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