Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
