Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
