I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize