You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
