not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
