how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize