I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize