it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
