Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
