I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I will pee on everything he values.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
