I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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