My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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