So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
