I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
