omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
