AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
