Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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