note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
