I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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