batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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