they said they heard you say put it in my butt
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
