Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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