Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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