i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
3pm strippers are depressing
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
