So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
