dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Are my feet made of real feet?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
