i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
