rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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