tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
