I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
