Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
