from now on my penis is your penis
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
