margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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