Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
