the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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