so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
