how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Vodka?
Forever.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
